There’s few things as fascinating as the life of Lindsay Lohan. Whether she’s drunk crashing her car into the side of your house, snorting cocaine and passed out in your backyard, or found in your local strip club sliding up and down the pole, Lindsay Lohan is sure to make front page news!
I don’t have to tell anyone her story. We all hear about it everyday. Whether it be from the front page of the New York Times, the special report on Fox News, or progressive’s own Huffington Post, everyone wants in on some LiLo action. Take some article headlines:
“Lindsay Lohan checks into rehab in LA”
“Lindsay Lohan quotes 50 cent, ‘Watch Yo Mouth'”
“Michael Lohan refuses to Believe Lindsay Lohan Stopped Taking Prescription Drugs”
“Lindsay Lohan gets punched in the face for her birthday”
I have no idea what Mel Gibson did, but for whatever reason it seems the media’s angry with him. So what do they do? They put his name in the same headline as Lohan. Believe me, you do not want that to happen. That immediately associates you with trash, drugs, and whore’ishness. She’s become a sort of media weapon that they’ve built up and use on whatever target they want to nail.
“Mel in threeway with Oksana and Gloria Allred? Where’s Lindsay Lohan?”
“Lindsay Lohan has a rocky birthday; more vulgarities from Mel Gibson?”
“What Lindsay Lohan can learn from Mel Gibson and other lawbreakers”
“Week In Review: Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson Get A Big “FU” Right Back”
I can picture it now. There’s some rich capitalist scumbags meeting in secret puffing cigars, the lights dim, and a screen comes down showing Mel Gibson. Silence comes over the room, a big bald fat guy leans back, exhales a plume of smoke, crosses his arms and says, “He’s become a problem hasn’t he. Unleash LiLo on him.”
This may well have to do with our innate desire to gossip. As we become more and more isolated within our homes, living in the dream world of our television and computer screens, we’re becoming more and more disconnected from our own lives and communities. We fascinate on these celebrity figures and get in on the gossip.
“More Believable: Lindsay Lohan Dead Or Houston Finally Getting A Disney World?”
“Lindsay Lohan ordered to answer drug-use questions in civil case”
“Lindsay Lohan on ‘Double Exposure’: Always Wipe down your stripper pole”
“Lindsay Lohan Corrupted By Lesbian Jews”
“Don’t Take Away Lindsay’s Pills! (All at once, That is)”
“Scoop: Waitress denies hitting LiLo – but wants to”
“Lindsay Lohan’s Spray Tan Could Set Off SCRAM”
“Lindsay Lohan in court; how we got here”
That last article comes from the Washington Post. Their top journalists are on it! They’re going to research it all out and give you the breakdown! Tell you what’s going on with the war in Pakistan? … yeah, they’ll have to get back with you on that.
There’s always a reason for everything and there’s something going on with this Lindsay Lohan stuff. Maybe it’s as simple as the elites wanting to dumb us down and think about trash? Maybe it’s to make us feel better about ourselves? Maybe people really click on these headlines and read them?
I don’t know. If any of you guys out there can explain this to me, I’d love to hear your take on the Lohan phenomena.