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The Quality Of A Relationship

April 13, 2016

I don’t normally write about these sorts of topics, but I wanted to discuss love and relationships with all of you.  Gasp!  Yeah, I know, it’s not the sort of thing you expect me to write about, of all people.  I’m mainly writing this hoping some of you will read through it and comment on what you think, or share things you might add.  If you’ve been in a loving, successful relationship for a long time, I’d be especially interested to hear your perspective.  Overall, any input from you all would be great.

I have a simple rubric, a mental checklist which I use to evaluate the quality of a friendship or relationship.

Self-Disclosure
This a mutual revealing of intimate details about ourselves, our likes and dislikes, dreams and worries, our proud and shameful moments.  The keyword is mutual.  The process tends to be I reveal a little, they reveal a little, and we learn about each other over time.  I look for an active interest in me, my life, the things that happen to me, and that I sense this person wants to understand me and how I feel.  And of course, I want to know about them as well (I already know about me).

Quality Time Together
I believe people make time for what’s important to them.  Everyone’s always busy, but if I’m important to them, they’ll make time for me.  It’s important to be an active part in one another’s lives.  The more active we are in one another’s lives, the more serious I consider the relationship.

Equity
This is where we both receive in the same proportion as what we give.  As time goes on, there is a mutual sharing of ourselves and our possessions, we make decisions together, we give and get emotional support from one another, we care about each other’s welfare, and we value and respect one another.

Affection
This includes things like nice gestures, thoughtful things done for one another, praise, and things like that.

This list may not be exhaustive, but I think it’s a decent basic foundation of a good relationship.  From my experience, when these things aren’t present, the relationship is pretty crappy.

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