The Quality Of A Relationship

I don’t normally write about these sorts of topics, but I wanted to discuss love and relationships with all of you.  Gasp!  Yeah, I know, it’s not the sort of thing you expect me to write about, of all people.  I’m mainly writing this hoping some of you will read through it and comment on what you think, or share things you might add.  If you’ve been in a loving, successful relationship for a long time, I’d be especially interested to hear your perspective.  Overall, any input from you all would be great.

I have a simple rubric, a mental checklist which I use to evaluate the quality of a friendship or relationship.

Self-Disclosure
This a mutual revealing of intimate details about ourselves, our likes and dislikes, dreams and worries, our proud and shameful moments.  The keyword is mutual.  The process tends to be I reveal a little, they reveal a little, and we learn about each other over time.  I look for an active interest in me, my life, the things that happen to me, and that I sense this person wants to understand me and how I feel.  And of course, I want to know about them as well (I already know about me).

Quality Time Together
I believe people make time for what’s important to them.  Everyone’s always busy, but if I’m important to them, they’ll make time for me.  It’s important to be an active part in one another’s lives.  The more active we are in one another’s lives, the more serious I consider the relationship.

Equity
This is where we both receive in the same proportion as what we give.  As time goes on, there is a mutual sharing of ourselves and our possessions, we make decisions together, we give and get emotional support from one another, we care about each other’s welfare, and we value and respect one another.

Affection
This includes things like nice gestures, thoughtful things done for one another, praise, and things like that.

This list may not be exhaustive, but I think it’s a decent basic foundation of a good relationship.  From my experience, when these things aren’t present, the relationship is pretty crappy.

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2 Responses to The Quality Of A Relationship

  1. Matt says:

    I would add independence.

    It seems that the reason a lot of people get into a relationship is because they want someone to help them with a problem. Some do it for financial help. Some do it so they aren’t lonely or to be more happy. Some do it because they want children. There are many other possible reasons. It seems to me the most successful relationships are the ones where each person is independent. For example, happiness shouldn’t come from the relationship, it should come from within. If you look to the other person to solve your problems it becomes a burden on the relationship and it’s these burdens that are destructive to a relationship.

  2. Maggie says:

    I agree with Matt. Try watching the mini movie called the missing piece meets the big o. 🙂

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