As the days go by, I tried to change my thinking a little by telling myself there are many other girls out there and that the girl I like now, may not be the one for me. It made me feel better in a way or another such that I felt less obsessed over her at the moment. Besides, I also tried to limit myself to chat with her to once a week and when doing so, I would think twice before saying anything so that it would not another childish comment of mine. Apparently, it seems to be working a little as she is starting to converse a little more. Maybe it’s because she’s more interested on mature stuff, but we’ll see how it goes then.

Recently, I had bought some books on how to overcome obsession as well as to improve myself as a person, hoping to become a better person as I work on the help provided.

Having said all that, as I’m currently an undergraduate in my early twenties, I don’t think I will have time to read the books I bought nor do the things that you recommended or else it may affect my studies. However, I will work on them during my holidays after my examinations. Actually, come to think of it, it might be loneliness that caused my obsession as I’m an international student in a foreign land without many friends and kins, hence resulting in me being needy. Oh well, what I plan to do now is to concentrate on my studies and not think of any other things during my undergraduate life, two main reasons being that life only starts when I enter into the working world I guess and I can’t really do much being an undergraduate, since my studies is an obstacle to many things.

Anyway, I would like to thank you again for taking your time to provide me with great advices during what seemed to be one of the most difficult periods of my life to overcome it. If fate permits, I would like to meet this great person in future. As for now, I wish you all the best in everything you do and may everything go well for you! =)

Sorry for taking so long to reply. I’m a physicist currently taking a bunch of classes at a very difficult science institution and it has been finals week. I had to take several very difficult mathematics and physics examinations and had no time for anything. Obsessing over the girl. Well, don’t feel bad. I did the same thing when I was younger. Where to start? I’m a person who puts his career above his love life, so that’s something you’ll probably want to keep in mind when you listen to my own opinion on these things. I agree with your friends that it will take a long time to change your personality and “grow up”. That’s not something that happens overnight. I’ve met young guys who obsess over girls they meet and develop affection toward, even when their feelings are not returned. It often leaves them miserable. The best way to counteract this is to develop yourself and your life. Develop your hobbies, interests, and career and you’ll be far less inclined to obsess over a girl.

When I was a teenager in high school, I developed an obsession for a girl. She was all I could think about. She treated me exactly as you’re now being treated. I was ignored, seemed to bother her when I tried to start a conversation with her, and was rejected any time I asked her out. At times she even insulted me, saying I only liked her because I didn’t have anything better going in my life. I was just beginning my career pursuits at that time. I felt terrible, but in a way she had a point. I’m nearing thirty now, and my career has greatly advanced, I’m much further along toward my goals, have interesting research pursuits, and I seem to have little problem keeping myself occupied. When I’m around women, they now find me fascinating and just over the past few months I’ve had three wonderful women all wanting to engage in a relationship with me. And just for a note of interest, that same girl who wasn’t interested in me in high school met up with me a few years ago, and I could tell she was very interested in me. One key to success I’ve found is to focus on making yourself a valuable and interesting person. Here’s a few pointers.

Learn about your hometown and interesting landmarks. Learn about their stories and history. Learn how to fly a hot air balloon. Learn about the stars and constellations and the stories ancient civilizations attached to them. Learn physics and the story of our universe, about black holes, quasars, and the galaxies. Learn how to climb mountains, or travel through the forest and find a location with an amazing view. Find an ice skating rink and learn how to ice skate. Learn to scuba dive and about all the underwater life down there. (These are the sorts of things I find myself doing all the time, and just thought I’d throw them out there.)

But the best thing you can do is find things you’re passionate about and do those things for your own sake. For example, I love video games, and I like to search out video game arcades, especially old ones. Then if I’m with the right kind of girl who enjoys games, we start competing with each other on all the old retro games and going out on dates is a lot of fun. I also enjoy shooting pool and pinball machines. I find myself traveling around on my motorcycle, seeking out the most unique and fascinating pinball machines.

I personally enjoy clocks and timepieces, mainly because I’m a physicist whose main interest revolves around space and time. Then the girl asks me, “Why are you so interested in clocks”, and I start talking about Einstein, our universe, relativity theory, time travel, and what time really is. At that point my fascination becomes their fascination, and they’re interested to be around me.

The average person defines their personality based on what they consume. They tell about what movies they like, what music they listen to, what books they read, and so on. Don’t be like that. Be a proactive person who creates something. You may be a person who creates music as a musician. You may be a wood worker who builds custom furniture. You may create videos on youtube as a master of special effects. There’s a million different things, but find something to DO. Be active and engaged with the world. That’s what will make you interesting, and as you get “out there” in the world, doing your thing, people will be around you and notice what you’re doing. Then it’s likely that you’ll meet a woman who shares your interests.

Hope that helps!

I really don’t feel qualified to give much advice to people beyond telling them, “Don’t hate a girl if she rejects you”, but it sounds as if you really want my advice though, so I will give it. Maybe if you work to change yourself and your personality she’ll fall for you. I don’t know what may happen there and I wish you the best of luck with her. But you have to face the possibility that she’ll never accept you as more than a friend – you may face continued disappointment by pursuing a relationship with her. If you’re wanting to grow up, I say you grow up for you, not for her. Have confidence in yourself and believe in yourself. If you want to be more mature, develop yourself in areas such as: intelligence, respect, affection, responsibility, loyalty, your sense of humor, and confidence. Set goals for yourself and work toward them. But don’t do these goals for her. It will hurt even more if you work so hard only to find out she still isn’t interested in you. Have respect for yourself. I don’t think it’s wise to base your decisions and sense of personal development on a girl who may not even return your affection in the end. And though it may seem you could never love another girl, I can say from my own experience that it’s possible, though it takes time. Best of luck!