You mentioned our sign being unemotional and detached. I’ll briefly make a few comments about my experiences with my own emotions. I’d be curious to hear if yours are similar.

Other people would say I’m unemotional, though at heart I’m actually quite emotional. Thing is, my emotions are strange, and I’ve never been able to fully figure them out. I can listen to music and feel totally emotional. The music moves me all over the place. Upbeat songs can leave me feeling really joyful and happy. Other types of music may leave me feeling apathetic, or even depressed. I can feel the passion in romantic melodies. Epic music in movies can get me worked up and I get totally involved. Sad scenes make me want to cry and even get a bit teary eyed. What’s strange though is the fact that I don’t feel those emotions very easily toward real-life people I’m around. I can get emotionally attached to fictional characters more easily than real life people. My interactions with others can be very cold sometimes. It’s not that I don’t care about people. In fact, I do love people. I just don’t get as emotional in social situations as others seem to. I’ll try to explain.

I think the biggest reason for this is that I put up these “respect barriers” around people.

I never cast any judgment on anyone and I’m very accepting toward any way of life. I think that comes off to some people as apathy and indifference, when really I’m just very tolerant. It’s like the moral functions of my brain only apply to people in extreme cases that are truly dangerous. I don’t nit-pick in people’s business. I’m not nosy at all.

That’s not to say I don’t have moral emotions. When I think of Hitler, or Goldman Sachs, I’m filled with disgust. I also get warm feelings from kind people who are very accepting, trustworthy and honest. I’m not apathetic, and I’m not numb, but I’m generally indifferent to how most people live their lives.

That applies to most every aspect of life. If you’re someone who needs money to fulfill your dreams, I don’t frown on that. If you don’t care about money, that’s fine with me too. My main passions in life are knowledge related, not material, but that’s not to say I think lowly of others who pursue ownership of things.

I’m tolerant of spiritual type people, though I’m more of a logical person who demands truth and reasons for my own life’s beliefs. I try to see things from a very high-up perspective, how we all tie together in life and how everyone’s not the same. With religion and things though, I’m normally very open with people about the dangers of it all. Religion has been such a terrible source of conflict for humanity over the centuries. I think religion is filled with childish certainties and over-simplifies a complex world. Belief in “mind over matter” and faith, and all of that sort of thing, can really impede human progress. I think it leads to people running away from problems instead of confronting them.

I think when someone prays to God, or whatever they’re into, they give up belief in their selves and put it into someone else. Responsibility is shifted onto a deity or hope in fate, and they don’t proactively try to change the situation using the best of their knowledge and learning. Things have to be confronted and dealt with. They need not just blind faith, but faith in themselves. They need faith that they can change things and that they’re strong enough to get through it.

You mentioned detachment. I’m the exact same way. With me, just doing some internal reflections, I think I put a sort of barrier around people which I never enter. It’s a “that’s your life” barrier. A “respect” barrier, and I don’t step into that barrier unless I’m given permission. I only enter that barrier if we’re expressively becoming closer friends or entering some other sort of bond. Then I become more emotional. Keyword there is EXPRESSIVELY. It has to be clearly spoken to me.

With typical people, at least from my own observations, they seem like they slowly blend into one another, and their barriers slowly dissolve with time as they become better friends. They just drift toward one another, getting closer and more open with each other with time. With me, the barriers stay there and never go away. Since my mind is so logical, I wait until its expressed in words. It’s like I have to be given permission to enter. I have to have permission before I would worry you with my problems. I have to have permission before I’d ask favors from you. I have to have permission before I’d start a romantic interest. I never put weight on people, and that seems to keep things simple with others.

A problem I’ve had in the past is that once someone starts to enter a sort of closeness bond with me, I easily drop the entire barrier completely. Then they’re startled and even scared of how quickly things changed. I guess to others, I come across as the guy who never talked about those sorts of things and then all of the sudden I’m completely open about everything. Then they hear me rant and go on about things and they see that I’ve had emotional feelings about all sorts of things but I just never expressed it. I guess that’s because that would be a sort of infringement on their liberty and freedom.

With me, that happens because I don’t judge anyone and I don’t expect to be judged either. I view myself impartially like I’m seeing myself through someone else’s eyes. I don’t view myself as this static person who “is” somebody. I feel I can always change myself, and if I have flawed aspects, I expect someone to help point out these things and help me along in a respectful and king way. The barrier is for the other person, not myself. So once they say it’s fine for it to drop down, it drops completely.

I had a business trip where I had to ride in a car for a long trip with a complete stranger. He went on and on about his life and his troubles. He talked about all his failed aspirations and dreams, and how he’s now stuck doing these business projects which he hates. I had only known him for thirty minutes. Thing is, that didn’t bother me at all. I talked to him just like I would anyone else. And when I got out of the car, I didn’t find him strange. To me, logically, everybody has stuff like that going on in their heads. Everyone is going through things. I think true intelligence is knowing those things are there. Intelligent people see beyond what’s in front of them. I feel confident that you can assume other people are having complex life experiences. Life’s not an easy place.

Personally, it makes me kind of angry if someone says, “Oh, that’s guy’s a psycho. He doesn’t even know you and he’s telling you all that.” I just sit back in awe when I hear that kind of thing. Why is he a psycho? Maybe he doesn’t have anyone else to talk to. He never infringed on my life any way. It wasn’t the most pleasant conversation in the world, but who am I to judge his life? His situation? Maybe some wouldn’t approve of how he handled things, and feel he should keep it all to himself. But with me, he’s free to talk about those things any time. I don’t feel him having problems in life means he’s a moral failure in some way.

I think that makes me an excellent psychologist because I can listen to people’s problems and be left relatively unaffected. I’ve always been a listener. I’ll listen for hours, analyzing and thinking about the situation, trying to come to a solution. That’s not to say I’m the most emotional and empathetic person. I’m not the most tactful. I’m way too honest. That’s not always a good thing. I’ve hurt people’s feelings.

I guess I’ll mention one last thing. I don’t tend to get much out of compliments from others. This stems from the fact that I do things because I want to do them. When people say, “Oh, you do that so well.” Or, “Wow, great job.” I don’t get much satisfaction out of that. I certainly don’t seek it out. My mind says something like, “Oh. I’m glad you enjoy my company. I’m glad you think I do a good job.” But if they didn’t say anything, it would’ve made no difference.

At the same time, an important point has to be made here too. I won’t hang around places I’m not wanted. I never infringe on others. And even if someone hates me, I won’t hate them back. I’ll just stay clear of them. I’ve had people do terrible things to me, and I don’t seem to have it in me to hate. I’m very quick to forgive and let go. I don’t like carrying things around with me, if I can help it.

This attitude has a few negative consequences though. It’s caused some rather awkward social relations in the past for me. I’ve had girls fall in love with me and I never noticed it. When they complimented me and went out of their way to spend time with me, I was just in my own world doing my own thing. Whether they were there or not there, didn’t seem to ever matter. I’m this self-sufficient machine. Then one day they’ll burst out spilling their feelings to me and I’m caught in shock. Then they take it the wrong way when I say something like, “I never noticed. I’m sorry. I never thought of us as a couple.”

That’s when they think, “Jason doesn’t like me. I’ll have to move on.” Then they’re depressed and their friends confide in me saying, “Are you serious that you never noticed?” But the thing is, it’s not that I don’t like the girl. I may well find her attractive and fun to be around. But what they don’t understand is that with me, they’ve actually just started the process. If they would’ve expressly stated their interest to me a long time before that, I would’ve had time to think about it. With their confession, the barrier just started to open between us. But because they never made it known to me, a sort of cloud covered them and I never thought her feelings. I’m not one for subtlety.

I could talk about more but I’ve already blabbed on long enough. These are the sorts of things which can make dealing with others and their emotions difficult. It’s just so difficult when my emotions and feelings work so differently than others. I try to be understanding and empathetic, but its hard when the same situations don’t generate the same emotions within me as it does them.