June 23, 2011
The other day I went online to read the news and came across an article entitled Why Women Shouldn’t Pick Attractive Husbands. After I finished reading this article, I sat back in my chair in disgust.
First we’re told how terrible Anthony Weiner is, the Congressman who sent pictures of his penis to attractive women over the internet.
Watching the Anthony Weiner scandal unfold, it was hard not to wonder how a smart, accomplished, beautiful woman like Huma Abedin got herself involved with a guy like Weiner.
We’re told how he cheated on his wife, and so on and so forth.
But, sexting sexcapades aside, the 46-year-old Weiner, whether you find him handsome or not, is a fit, intelligent, passionate, promising politician with a six-figure income who had a reputation of a ladies’ man and was even named a Cosmo eligible bachelor — the kind of man that many, many women are drawn to.
And that’s where Abedin and other smart, beautiful, accomplished women often make their mistake. The more financially independent women become, the more they prefer good-looking men. But they don’t just want their partners to be hotties; they want them to be masculine, physically fit, loving, educated, a few years older and making the big bucks. Oh, and they also have to really want to be a hubby and daddy.
So what conclusions are we to draw from this? According to this author, every attractive man who takes care of himself physically, is well educated, and earns a good salary is, more likely than not, just like Anthony Weiner. Women, you have to beware! Don’t put yourself at risk. No matter how charming and wonderful they may be, don’t fall for it!
Do you want to live in a world where your character is judged solely by your looks alone?
They also have supposed scientific “evidence” to back these claims.
And, evidently, it’s working against us. Attractive men don’t make the best husbands, according to researchers. Guys who are rated as the most masculine — a billboard for a man’s good genes — tend to have more testosterone, and men with higher testosterone levels are 43 percent more likely to get divorced than men with normal levels, 31 percent more likely to split because of marital problems and 38 percent more likely to cheat. In other words, they may be better cads than dads.
We’d be smarter if we sought out guys who are uglier than we are because researchers have found that couples in which the woman is hotter than the guy are happier than if the situation is reversed. And since quite a few women have been telling Weiner how “hot” he is, it’s clear that neither Abedin nor Weiner got that memo.
I don’t like this at all. If we happen to be born with genes which make us good looking, we’re also bound to be terrible husbands. Our testosterone levels are just too high. We’re raging with sexual energy and are ready to run off with any beautiful woman which comes across our path. We just can’t help ourselves. We’re all just like Anthony Weiner.
This naive view of human nature will make our lives more difficult. Women, if you’re on a date with an intelligent, handsome man, ignore this article and everything that it says. You’re intelligent, aren’t you? I have more confidence in you than this. It’s not that hard to see whether a man is caring and loyal. Just listen to what he says, watch how he treats others, and spend a significant amount of time with him — long enough to really get to know him.
Of course, hottie women can also “optimize their looks to find other partners if she’s unhappy,” says Rob Burriss, a professor at England’s University of Chester. Hello, Weiner? And Abedin, 35 — one of Time magazine’s “40 under 40” young stars in politics — was considered a catch when Weiner started pursuing her a few years ago.
But who can blame her? She, like so many women — and men — pick a mate based on pretty predictable factors, dating back to caveman days when all we were trying to do was survive and keep our species going, according to physical anthropologist and Why Him? Why Her? author Helen Fisher, who has been studying human courtship for decades. We’re drawn to guys like Weiner because they have good genes we can pass on to our kids. The downside is that we take a huge risk on whether he’s going to be sexually faithful to us.
Ladies, don’t you find this insulting? I have more faith in you than these academics. I believe you have passions, as we all do, but you are not completely driven by primal cave-woman desires and have the ability to control yourself. These same people say the same things about us men. They treat us like the only factors we’re capable of admiring in a woman is a nice ass and big breasts.
I was raised in a Christian home and was taught to love my wife as Christ loved to church. You give your life to someone and would even die for them to save them from trouble and harm. You work hard and reap what you sough. If you exercise, and work hard in school to get a proper education in a relevant and timely field, you reap the rewards of good health and financial prosperity. The world is difficult, but you have to be wise and manage your affairs with discretion. If you do so, you can reap the blessings from God for following the laws of nature. Now I’m not a religious man, but I honestly wish we could go back to the 1950s. I wish we could go back to an age where there was moral and personal responsibility, and people didn’t have such a low opinion of human nature. Back then, we were sinners who needed saved by committing ourselves to higher principles. Today we live in an era of skepticism and determinism. We’re no longer able to change ourselves. It’s all in our genes.
I believe I can change. I believe you can change. In the words of Rocky, “We all can change!” If we’ll commit ourselves to higher principles, we don’t have to live by way of our primal passions. When I study the human brain, I do see the centers of those primal passions, but we also have a frontal cortex, which allows us to bring those passions under our control.
But people don’t seem to respect anecdotal evidence from everyday people, such as myself. Unless there’s some study to back it, it’s just an opinion. Well, ok. Let’s get technical about this. Such studies as those quoted in the article above fail to take into account the environment. Depending on whether a person is in a loving, nurtured environment, versus an unloving, hateful environment, they will behave differently. The very same brain will respond completely differently. The mindsets of the article create a hateful, suspicious, skeptical environment. When people don’t feel anyone’s looking out for them, that their lover isn’t loyal to them, that nobody believes in them, and so on, they tend to become just what you feared. Instead of protecting and helping, they collapse inward, hide, and view others with suspicion. You want them to love, trust, and be faithful, but then you show them no love or respect, and what do you expect? It’s no way to live.
But if you need a brilliant professor to point out the obvious to you, here’s Professor Stephen Chorover, a distinguished professor within the MIT Brain and Cognitive Sciences department, talking about behavior and its linkage to the environment.
In the interview, Professor Chorover makes it quite clear that you can’t analyze brain function without taking into account the environment. When research is done, people and animals behave differently based on the environment they find themselves in. Same people, same brains, different behavior.
Take a moment to reflect on what this skepticism does to all of us. Think of what this does to men’s minds when women believe they have no loyalty and no real affection. They’ll respond appropriately — they’ll become what you believe they are. That’s not to say you, the women, should tolerate bad behavior. No. But instead of saying, “So you’re interested in my best friend? *sigh* Whatever, that’s just how you men are. You’re unreliable and worthless.” You instead say, “I’ve known you for a while now and we’ve been through a lot. I find it hard to believe what I’m hearing about you. I know you’re better than this. Or am I wrong?” Hold that reasonable standard up to them and believe, deep down, that they’ll meet you there. And if you don’t believe in them, why are you with them, or considering an intimate relationship with them?
I can tell you this. If you’re one of the women out there who believes this sort of thing, a quality man will look at your character, and what’s he going to see? You’re out on a date and start tirading about how men are unreliable, untrustworthy, and undependable, what’s he going to think of you? Speaking for myself, I wouldn’t have any interest in you. After all, what would you think of a man who was saying all of this about women? You’d want out of there and go home to tell your friends, “Ugh, I just had a date with a disgusting misogynist.” Well, quality men think the same sort of thing. They think your soul is black and there’s no love in there. But the Anthony Weiners of the world, they’ll charm you, agree with you, knock you up, and then leave you — and sadly, your negative mindset brought all of this on yourself. Even sadder, you’ll go on and blame men in general for how they’re treating you. You’re scaring off good men and attracting the very sort of men you don’t want in your life. You’ve created that environment around yourself and it draws in everything dark and nasty.