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A Look Into The Republican Frontrunners

July 13, 2011

Tonight I’ve been trying to study neuroscience, in particular our language systems, but I’m unable to concentrate.  My mind is just rushing all over the place.  I want to scream, but there’s nobody to scream to, so I’ll scream here in text.

I’m going to begin by asking you all a few questions.  Do you think that Japan’s current economic problems are due to their emperor having sex with a demonic sun goddess?  Do you think that gays are, by their very nature, violent savages incapable of compassion or virtue?  Do you believe that God possessed Hitler in order to herd the Jews back to Israel?

No?  Really?  *looks at you closely*  Are you sure?


Quick, come inside.  Hurry!  *Pulls you into a secret room*  You don’t find sane people much these days.  Why do I bring this up?  Take a look at one of the top Republican presidential candidates.

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Is this some sort of crazy dream?  This idiot, Governor Perry, should be laughed off the face of the Earth, but instead he’s a prominent governor and hopeful presidential contender.  Former President George Bush’s team is helping him raise campaign funds.  Seriously!  This man may be our next president?  Am I alone when I think this is insanity?  Literally.  I’m not saying that to be dramatic.  The men featured at Governor Perry’s prayer conference need to be put in a mental asylum and thoroughly examined.  They’re hearing voices in their heads, they’re delusional, and they’re incapable of assessing reality.

Apparently the first amendment doesn’t specify freedom of religion.  Oh no, what it really says is that everybody should be mandated to be a Christian.  And Obama’s healthcare bill?  That’s a plot by the Illuminati to euthanize 93% of the world’s population.  And don’t let statue of liberty fool you.  It’s really a demonic idol, worshiped by our leaders who are working to usher in the anti-christ.  Governor Perry calls for a prayer rally and brings in these guys to be our spiritual moral leaders.  We’re all invited.

What about Republican frontrunner Michelle Bachmann?  She believes the same sort of stuff.  If you ask her what she thinks the biggest issues are for America is today, she’ll start going on about abortion and homosexuality.  Not financial reform, not exploding healthcare costs, not foreign policy or the wars, but abortion and homosexuality, and of course she’s against both.  All those dead babies are crying out and God is punishing our nation.  And if there’s one thing the Lord’s pissed off about, it’s gay sex.  You can kills hundreds of thousands of people in war and God will turn the other way, but when it comes to sex, God starts pouring out His wrath!

Who’s the other frontrunner?  Mitt Romney?  He’s a devout Mormon.  Have you ever heard what Mormons really believe?  Remember Joseph Smith translating the golden tablets by divine inspiration in 1820, or whatever?  I’ll let Christopher Hitchens recount that story.


I haven’t been keeping up with politics lately, but I’ve been hearing about Sarah Palin possibly running for president.  Remember the MILF whose foreign policy credentials consist solely in the fact that she was governor of Alaska, which is next to Russia?  She consistently gets her facts wrong and finds, “What periodicals do you read?”  to be a “gotcha” question, just another liberal elitist “lamestream” media attack on her character because we don’t like her Christian virtues.  She feels our involvement in the middle-east is part of a divine plan, ordered from God.  That’s just what we need, a war-mongering religious bimbo running the country.

And even though she bombs every interview, never has anything substantial to say beyond cliche talking points, and shows herself to be a complete moron, incapable of handling even minor pressure, she may well be our next president.  How dumb is the American public?  I mean seriously.  How dumb are they?  We all need to make sure to follow her every tweet, cover every little thing she does, and even idolize her daughter who has never accomplished or done anything.

We’re living in the movie Idiocracy.  Somehow, the average IQ must has dropped about 40 points over the past 30~40 years.  As Bill Maher recently stated in an interview, this Republican party is not your father’s Republican party.  These people are religious extremists.  I can’t even make stuff up that’s as ridiculous as what they believe and are saying.

Did you hear what Rick Perry’s group was saying about atheists?  They may do all sorts of humanitarian work, and be kind, and otherwise good people, but don’t buy into it!  They have an evil agenda!  *sits dumbfounded*  What!?  What evil agenda?  Then the camera cuts to this young man listening intently, heeding the warning call.  And Oprah, oh my goodness, she’s apparently the most evil villain of them all.  She rejects the authenticity of Christ!  The true power of the blood!  Yes, we can’t have forgiveness and morality without true, authentic human sacrifice.  Old man Newt Gingrich is saying the same sorts of things.  Atheists have an agenda to take over the nation!

Is it any wonder why everything’s falling apart around us?  Is it any wonder why our infrastructure is crumbling, our children are failing in science and mathematics, and why Wall Street gangsters are running all over us?  These people have NO IDEA what’s going on.  I don’t think the American public has any idea what’s going on, or what our real problems are, either.  They have to be complete morons to even consider voting for candidates like these.  I can’t even get into the minds of people so dumb.

While I’m on my ranting tirade, I might as well let it all out.  The mainstream public is a bunch of cowards, fearful of events which are so unlikely to happen that it’s ridiculous.  Why do we have the Patriot Act?  Why are we digitally strip-searched in our airports, with TSA agents ogling our girlfriends’ nude bodies?  Because people are idiots and they’re cowards.  Land of the free and home of the brave?  Past generations maybe, but not us.  Not this America.

Do you ever just lose hope?

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