Do you all want to hear something strange? For the past week I’ve been running eight miles every day and I’ve been completely exhausted, so exhausted that last night I slept for eleven hours and woke feeling tired. That’s how exhausted I’ve been. Apparently this can do strange things to your brain.
During last night’s eleven hour slumber, what do you think I dreamed about? I stood outside of my house throwing a basketball against the rock wall. I turned to my left and saw Russian President Vladimir Putin entering my yard, along with several KGB agents. He was shirtless, wearing camouflage military pants.
He asked me to pass him the ball. I tossed it behind my back, spun it on my finger, and then threw it to him. He did the same and before long we were like the Harlem globetrotters, passing the ball behind the back, off the rock wall, under our legs, and spinning the ball on our fingers.
Eventually I got too fancy for him and he couldn’t keep up. Not to be outdone, he threw the ball away and said, “I have another game.” The KGB agents brought out a pile of concrete cinder blocks. He picked up each block, one by one, effortlessly lifting and thrusting them forward with both hands toward my home’s rock wall, letting out a loud grunt each time. Each block exploded into large pieces which were landing all over the lawn like small mortars. Over and over he hurled these blocks at the wall, and they shattered into big concrete chunks, leaving behind huge gashes in my home’s walls.
I told him, “I can’t do that. They’re too heavy. That’d hurt my wrists and shoulders to throw them like that.” He just smirked and continued on.
Before long there were chunks of broken cinder blocks all over the yard. I had no idea what was happening but apparently they were preparing for our next little “game”. The agents spread out and started hurling these broken concrete cinder blocks at the Russian President from every direction. While spinning he would catch the fragments and redirect them toward me! He hurled one at me and then another, and then another. I tried to catch one block but couldn’t even come close to stopping it. I almost destroyed my hands and wrists in the process. Putin continued on, twirling them behind his back, over his shoulder, and around his head, like this was some strange sport I’m unfamiliar with. He would release each one by spinning his arms, slinging these chunks of concrete at me like a professional softball pitcher. I was jumping out of the way, barely able to dodge them, much less catch and redirect them back to him.
A trail of destruction was left in the wake. Flower gardens were decimated, small trees were being knocked over, car windows were busted out, and my lawn was a disaster.
After a short while all the trees were busted and fallen over, my home’s windows were shattered, and the place looked like a warzone.
President Putin then started walking off and all I could do was stare at him in amazement. As he walked by I extended my arm to shake his hand. He looked at me as if I was pitiful. I became very self-conscious. What kind of weakling was I? I couldn’t even return a single cinder block passed to me! Out of politeness he shook my swollen, cut up hand and then left with a crowd of agents who all looked upon me with contempt.
I woke up exhausted and thought, “What the heck was that?” I consider the possibility that for a brief moment, our spheres of consciousness met in the dream world and I was simply overwhelmed.